It was my biggest disappointment in a very long time – the day I realized the release date for my first novel, Running from Asperity, would have to be postponed until 2018.
Just a month earlier, I had gathered a tribe together for the launch, and everyone was off and running. A book cover, book trailer, and final edits were in the works. A lot of time was going into the different aspects of marketing – book bloggers, press releases, advanced copy readers, book signings, social media posts, scheduling, website – we were full force ahead.
Barely a week in, a storm started to brew. My old printer died. The new printer didn’t want to work. A few days later, the internet slowed to a turtle’s pace and had to be fixed. The next day, the router died. My cell phone stopped working right. I don’t know how those types of interruptions work for you, but for me, they eat up hours and days of time on the phone – on hold. Or in the store, looking for what you need with no sales clerk in sight.
The storm raged. I postponed the release date a few weeks to deal with all of that– along with a few extra doctor appointments and an IRS audit. The noise of the chaos became so loud I couldn’t think straight. The new deadline came and went.
How did this happen is something I asked myself repeatedly. When I published the Grace Warrior Devotional Series, none of these problems presented themselves.
Is God having a problem with the book? No. I’d had too many conversations with him along the way and was confident using my gift to create wasn’t an issue.
Was Satan trying to sabotage me? Was this the ultimate defeat after an outpouring of time and effort into this project? Thoughts like these battled in my mind.
I finally found a quiet moment to frankly, sulk. (Not the first time in my life) I sat and typed a simple note to thank the tribe members for their help and to inform them that the publishing date would be postponed until March 2018.
In the stillness, a calm washed over me. Although my dear friends had been assuring me that the timing could be off, in my heart, I knew that wasn’t it. Once in a quiet moment, I realized what had gone wrong. The real issue was the noise. In the chaos, I couldn’t hear God. Period.
It was an essential understanding for me. God wasn’t stopping the effort. Evil wasn’t sabotaging me. The timing was okay. Disappointment? Yes. Defeat? No. Rather, my lesson was the critical reminder that God’s priority for me is my relationship with him. Growing a family was the very reason he sent his son. When I couldn’t hear him speak, our time together was interrupted. Once I tuned my ear to him, the noise diminished, and we could communicate again.
God doesn’t want me to quit. After all, my relationship with him includes living with purpose and following his plan. But he doesn’t want me caught up in the worries that come with life. He can deal with all that. Instead, he wants me to hear him speak. When the noise gets out of control, I have permission to stop, rest, and tune in.
Everyone finds themselves in a storm at some point. Like me, it’s hard to sort through the noise. I encourage you to trust God in the moment. He is more than capable of taking care of the hard circumstances you face. He hopes you will put your foot down. Turn from the struggle and just say, “Speak to me, Lord Jesus. Speak to my heart today.”